Dive For Dreams By E.E. Cummings

dive for dreams or a slogan may topple you

(trees are their roots and wind is wind)

trust your heart if the seas catch fire

(and live by love though the stars walk backward)

honor the past but welcome the future

(and dance your death away at the wedding)

never mind a world with its villains or heroes

(for good likes girls and tomorrow and the earth)

in spite of everything which breathes and moves, since Doom

(with white longest hands neating each crease)

will smooth entirely our minds -before leaving my room

I turn,

and (stooping through the morning)

kiss this pillow, dear where our heads lived and were.

silently if, out of not knowable

silently if, out of not knowable night's utmost nothing,

wanders a little guess

(only which is this world?)

more my life does not leap than with the mystery your smile sings

or if

(spiraling as luminous they climb oblivion)

voices who are dreams,

less into heaven certainly earth swims

than each my deeper death becomes your kiss

losing through you what seemed myself,

I find selves unimaginably mine;

beyond sorrow's own joys and hoping's very fears

yours is the light by which my spirit's born:

yours is the darkness of my soul's return

you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars

It's about "Taking Chances"

Quoted in the movie, Charlie St. Cloud

If Everything Happens That Can't Be Done By E. E. Cummings

If everything happens that can't be done
(and anything's righter than books could plan)
the stupidest teacher will almost guess

(with a run skip around we go yes)
there's nothing as something as one

one hasn't a why or because or although
(and buds know better than books don't grow)
one's anything old being everything new
(with a what which around we go who)
one's every anything so

so world is a leaf is a tree is a bough
(and birds sing sweeter than books tell how)
so here is away and so you’re is a my
(with a down up around again fly)
forever was never till now

now I love you and you love me
(and books are shutter than books can be)
and deep in the high that does nothing but fall
(with a shout each around we go all)
there's somebody calling who's we

we're everything brighter than even the sun
(we're everything greater than books might mean)
we're every anything more than believe
(with a spin leap alive we're alive)

We’re wonderful one times one

6 Days, 5 Nights: Negros At Last

We made it at the nick of time! At half past 11:00am we managed to ride a Lite Ferry to Dumaguete from Lilo-an, Bato, Cebu. It’s a 35 minutes ferry back to the Oriental capital and then we’re off to a long 5 – 6 hours land trip. Wohooo! The weather is somehow dry and humid but not at all hot. Cool and calm waters through the strait and fair winds to make this ferry ride smooth and easy.

Still no dolphins!

Bohol is nowhere in sight now, Cebu says goodbye behind me while Negros say’s welcome back as we tread towards it.

Still no dolphins!

6 Days, 5 Nights: A Devotees Dream

We docked at half past 8:00am. Hoping that we’re off to our homebound trip, only to find ourselves in a place where a devotee can find solace in prayer and spirited admiration.

I never thought that I’ll be at that place, it was like some devotees dream come true ( I am no devotee but the place made me have some sort of goose pimples all over my body. It was a magical place of architectural design and interior complexity.

The church was made in adoration to the Holy Mother. In response to many of its miracles from many of devotees who have had witnessed such phenomena and became receivers of these blessed events in their lives.

The beauty of the place is adorned of different saints and statues many religion would dare question for the faith in its adulation. I, as a great enthusiast of such structural design was in rapture while hanging by a thread into drooling all over the place.

It was the most beautiful proposed Castle Sanctuary ever made yet.

Beautiful!

6 Days, 5 Nights: Homebound

The wee hour?! Who would’ve expected to wake up exactly at the wee hour just to arrive at the port a little too early?!?

That was our wakeup call a couple of hours ago as our eternal slumber suddenly halted. Fixin’ ourselves clumsily, stretching those arms, bending those legs and curling our bodies hesitantly. We drove with only nothing but our empty bowels, drifting to few naps to the port.

Arriving just in time to sleep more. The place was dark. Not even a single light on the pier. How’s that?! I sat myself inside the car and to recover some few winks shorn out from me. Waking up minutes later as few streaks of sunlight glazed the Bohol skies, I can’t believe we’re leaving this outlandish beauty, a haven of sea admirers and beach hunters. Aficionados like me. We left docked with so many pictures to take at half past 6:00am and braved the wide barren blue once more, the same passage we had 2 days ago.

The great blue is quite composed more than its behavior 2 days ago. And the trip as I may presume, is a bit too fast perhaps this is the feeling of going home when all one can think of is rest, relaxation beyond measure of time and an unending bliss of naps to soothe our beaten out bodies from this unprecedented 6 days & 5 nights trip.

Still no dolphins!

Few treats came along the great blue passage trip. Fishes of one sort caught my attention. They jump from the water and somehow fly across the water surface… I’m not new to this kind of fishes but in some way it made me think on how it should be called. Many of us know Flying Fishes, right!? We know that they fly but I think all Ocean books and Fish books should do more than just define correctly what these fishes are. They don’t fly! They bloody glide! They don’t have wings but fins with a span of such likeness that when they leap from the depths of the great blue and reach the surface they appear like flying but in fact, they glide above the surface as they stretch out their wide fins to achieve a gliding stride of a few feet above the water level. I think children should know what glide is from flying, misinformation is no joke. Anyways, I just love to talk about some simple things and complicate it a bit but seriously, I think they should change it.

Still no dolphins!

We are now crossing Bohol to Cebu and a few more hours later we will be crossing Cebu to Negros Oriental and a long drive home back to Negros Occidental. I love this trip. We may not have planned for this but the entire experience was expensive, tiring but ultimately WORTH it.

I really hope I can go back here. Maybe not with my family or with some friends but whoever I’ll be with, I would surely want to go back here. I have the world to explore and a lifetime is so not enough. I just hope I could stay a little more to enjoy this unbelievable magic carpet ride.

Still no dolphins!

6 Days, 5 Nights: Pools & Baby-sitting

I had the opulence of sleeping a little late and waking up a little later the morning of our last. My laundry clothes are up to a maximum and I’m off to my last pair of decent clothes. No dolphin watching as planned with the aforementioned itinerary but the day has to end on a trip to the pool for the kids begged to ask for one trip to the embrace of the waters. Ending up with my own dilemma and responsibility at the same time as the adults went off to their city jaunts and appointments with the pier authorities to settle some business for the planned ship transport we will be takin’ to home.

My day started with what s’pose to be a good pool side typing only to later on tire my throat into nagging toddlers of all kinds.

The restaurant/pool side looks fine. It was comforting, the view surrounding the pool green of the previous day’s rain, the coconut tree basking the grounds with shade and the plants all around in full beauty.

There were no occupants in the resort but us. The entire place silent, sunny and a little too homey, I strolled the place like the way I used to do in every place I get to visit and oh, well… the picture-taking keeps on coming.

I loved the place and how it is built and how it was designed. The pool, elevated on a small mound, developed in quite a style with a man-made water fall with large palm-like plants beside it. The water just keep on flowing, separated in two depths of pools; one for the kids and the other for adults, in all, the area was all fine indeed.

I thought I’ll never jump in with the lot but I was totally wrong, the water is so enticing for some reason I couldn’t bear.

I’ve thought then, that treading in fresh water is hard indeed. Fresh water focuses on more weight stress than in salt water. I’ve also observed that I can have 60 seconds without air under salt water than being on fresh water. Must’ve been the pressure contained in fresh water reacting on the human body compacted in air. Or perhaps, it happens vice versa on salt water where buoyancy decreases on the pressure exerted by the body as the surface area decreases on reaction to the total weight of the human body-----I don’t know how I came up with this timorous explanation but I guess that’s how my mind works and incessantly I do not have the thought of how am I doing it.

The day ended with a small trip to the mall with all of us buying shirts for tomorrow’s using and despondently I still don’t have the scarf as a souvenir, I really hope that we get to see a souvenir shop tomorrow.

Oh, well… our last night. Fun day.

6 Days, 5 Nights: Pistachios

The title seemed a little mouth watering but I guess it is the most appropriate title and so here goes.

Waking up a little too early for some trip as we trek Bohol island, it will be a very good day as everybody is so looking forward for the fun that we’ll be havin’ planned for the entirety of the tour. First was the small viewing area called, The Blood Compact, it’s a small area where the many years ago, Spanish colonizers and local Boholanon rajas made their first pact to become friends in return offer the country of Spain a colony and good passage through the islands. It was fine scenery, the view covers the river opening through the sea, and the boats docked, some in small wharves, public ports and private piers. We weren’t the only ones haring the spectacular landscape, tourist from different lands, both local and foreign came to see the place, taking pictures, leaving footprints (Ha! The whole place was cemented!) and bringing with them the memory of being in such an excellent sight. But time was not that much our friend nor an enemy as it was playing with the entire trip quite on the neutral. So, the van zoomed yet to another location. If I could say the next place was any more important (well, it is!), I couldn’t hide the fact that I am a sucker for antique places and most of it is the admiration of aged churches, those kind that really have granite stones lining the walls, old tapestries molding the walls and the best, is the moss covering the entire place. I really don’t know how amazed I can be when it comes to architecture that if I was graced with a perfectly awesome camera, Lappy could be asking for more disk space of all the pictures I’ve taken. Bohol was a haven with churches worn out by time and weather, and so was Cebu as we drove the road before we came here at Bohol. More churches came and we were just in time to see the church were rumored water from a well heals or lemme say it, Miraculously cures illness. Isn’t that another plus for a reason to visit the place, or what!? It was the same, old, antique, ante-diluvian, and aged. (I have just given the same old thesaurian definitions and maybe I’ve just made my own word ‘Thesaurian”---is that even a word at all?)

But the main quest was to find and see that well, and so we did---unfortunately, it was padlocked by the local ministry. What a bummer, huh!? We strolled the place asking some queries about the miraculous well and later found out that the local caretakers perhaps even the priest and the clergies there sought for a source of funds and refined the water and placed them into 237ml water bottles and in return, people who come and visit the place and sought for the water give donations for a bottle of the blessed substance (I know, right!? Just for a famous water and people needed to give some donations! Hmm… maybe someday, people come visit my house too when I get all popular but for now I’ll have to be the admirerJ).

Now, the tour came to a halt of archeological finds and we went on to be astounded of nature’s gift. We arrived at the Ecopark with a lot of visitors waiting impatiently around that small cage and there, inside curled in a ball of scales and brown patterns were the star of the day and maybe more days in its lives! Who could’ve thought that for this reptile, it would bring in so many spectators! (… the day wasn’t over yet and I have felt so envious of a lot of things being so famous and all!? First, a miraculous water! Then a bloody reptile! How’s that?!)

The thing I am referring to is a 14 year old python (these kind of snakes are constrictors, which means, they don’t have the slightest of poison maybe the littlest of teeth but most are toothless… the only thing they have is surprise and strong muscles to constrict the life out of their victims when they grab a hold of ‘em) who as they say just celebrated its birthday!? Never asked when could or would it be but it’s 14 years old! So that’s it… I want to get in and take pictures of myself with it too but there was a lot waiting impatiently (and the feeling was mutual!) for that time.

My turn came in quick and I have to shower m y time with a lot of flashes just make it all worth. I’ve touched a snake before and even braved myself putting all around me; it was the same species as the one I am so eager to meet. The snake was scaly (what would it be?! Smooth!? Duh…) and I just want to hug it! Seriously, I really want to place it all around me but I think it was a bit filthy; it was curled in a ball of scales and reptile-ness. And so a touch would just do me well.

That trip went a little too quick too…

Hunger came in and we just have to drive a little more to reach our next destination… along the trip we passed by the famous Man-made Forest-----regrettably no pictures were rightly taken as we were in a hurry to see yet another famous thing! A Tarsier (considered an Endangered species here in the country and the smallest mammal found here and only native to Bohol). We passed by the famous River Cruise as we trek another mountain road and just at the right curve there was the small zoo of clinging Tarsiers, they are so tiny! Real tiny! Sadly (I know! Most of these experiences are so full of prohibitions and misfortunes but we get along with it pretty much) we don’t have the luxury of touching it unlike so many fortunate people due to societal status who could even hold them on their hands. Oh, well… I bask myself with a lot of pictures of these little, cute and unbelievable creatures.

Like many trips, it was quick.

Off to the awaited place! The reason why the title is just so weird and somehow unsustainably inapt. Ever heard of a place or a group of little mountains that in sunny weather, goes brown and at good rainy ones becomes green?? Yes, there is such a place and it may be found in most places but Bohol has this place set apart among many to have such an abundance, we trekked another mountain and lo, there it was… standing still and green! And as I may title this trip, it was the famous ‘Pistachio-colored’ Chocolate Hills of Bohol (…it’s green! What am I s’pose to say, the view was impressive, it may have outgrown grass and plants but I like the hills around the landscape green than brown but it wouldn’t be known as Chocolate if it doesn’t look like one?! (well, it doesn’t… it’s a title given to it because of how it becomes brown when all the weeds covering it dries out during the summer)

We stayed longer… great! And we just have to fill in our bowels ‘coz everybody is just so hungry! I have to guffaw my way to the food we prepared, I couldn’t care less if it tastes good or not the thing was, I have to place something inside my stomach!

There was a lot to see around the place, the souvenir shops I have oh, so begged my mother to buy me at least one but didn’t give in. I was a bit disappointed just like a toddler but I can’t have tantrums! Duh, I’m an adult! And so, I treated myself to the restroom to have a check on it when they told me that it has something so fun in it and guess what!? It’s air-conditioned! Really, it is! And it smells great, well maintained and clean (not sparkly) but decent enough to even stay there just looking at the mirror and washing your hands with the scented sanitizers they have.

It was over soon enough and off we go to our next adventure, while driving around we later realized that we’re lost. Taking up so much time that we have to stop our trip and eat of what was left from lunch.

We arrived at our last destination by late afternoon… though I never find any excitement in it. I feared it more than enjoyed it… we went in a cave, I even hit myself as we go down and what eek-ed me was the fact that there were bats hanging along those stalactites and maybe for a decent reason will have to empty their own bladders and bowels and I can become their untimely victim. Good thing, what dropped on me was water (…I hope! But as soon as I arrive home. I went in for a good bath) from the stone ceilings… there were no lights on the tiny underground pool so I never appreciate the thought of seeing its depths. We went up quick as we went down even hastily, the place was pungent! And we would stink with its likeness the longer we spend our time enveloped in its darkness.

It was nice, to finally be back above the ground, somehow breathe fresh air and see the setting sun. But the reeking smell of bat urine and guano just wouldn’t leave the confines of my nose that even I was greedily inhaling air, there remains a tinge of the cave’s aroma! Grrr…

And there was home as part of our itinerary. In all, the day was the BEST along with any other days in a Trip we had!!! And so I guess the title is as good as my description of the Bohol Tour and don’t you just dare comment on how weird it is! (Hahaha… just joking! Do comment!)

I <3 Bohol

6 Days, 5 Nights: Blue

Yesterday, we braved the course of a long journey to a very unprecedented trip we never thought we will have. Yes, it was a shock, tiring and expectantly fun.

We tread water of unknown depths now, somehow amused as the machine hungers for more gasoline to power its long kick above the deep blue. The waves smoother than yesterday, the sea calm and the weather couldn’t be better. A mass of sea grass from the forest below floats away as the ship passes them, unnerved by the counter-force it does as effect of treading against the upcoming current. I can’t hide the excitement and expectation of seeing marine life suddenly surfacing from deep below though at some point broken to the fact that the season for such biodiversity is imaginary as to ever happening. Yet, I’m hoping.

I looked down, amazed and scared to know that something so harmless to the naked eye can be very striking and perilous at the same time. I can be as courageous as a lion to tread the sea on a ship, believing in such fateful event that it should sink, I have a craft or a life vest at hand to save me but with it should I dare to be close to it that I’ll be falling for its embrace would do me more than a dose of narcotic. Regrettable to appreciating a good-looking creation but in some spur of reality I have no hunch of ever be coming its victim.

It gets bluer now; perhaps an effect to the sky’s sudden darkness, a good group of nimbus gathers 20,000 feet above sea level and the sun close behind it covered in a shade of grey. Spending this timely hour with a good book would do me fine but doing this fruitful produce would just do me even more. My companions have long drifted to sleep, awake beside the cool breeze as I sit here is just the thing I should be in. I sailed to a simple fantasy on how one would find consolation by doing some captain’s log as I may call my present situation. For if I was a captain, I’d be filling in my log with writings far expected by my superiors at sea, taking notes of the most minute of details of the trip, the plain adoration of every different vista seen as we tramp the barren blue. But as I get back, even if I am no captain, I can log away those tiny little details at my gusto.

A tug boat from afar, reels in another ship behind it, it looks old, quite odd for a ship. Ah, it’s carrying sand, it must’ve been trenching from a nearby coast. Ha! How I love the world of science. I was always good at it. We passed by just along it. It looks far now.

Still no dolphins! Oh, how I can wish for the kraken. That was a laugh. If that happens, this story wouldn’t have reached your eyes and you wouldn’t as well be enjoying this humdrum.

Some hour has passed, I guess. Good thing the weather is fine not the ones I get to experience when I have my own trip likes this. I think this contributes to the month too. It’s early November and the cool winds from the north of the country should come its way through the lower islands far south. The sky looks like a ceiling only higher than the ones at home. The wind is not moist, not even salty to the taste (as I had just lick my lips, it has dried for awhile). The ocean, bluer than ever and the waves a bit bigger. A peanut-butter sandwich can add to the trick, hunger has crept without me knowing it. That explains I’m somehow lost in trance for an empty idea.

Still no dolphins! Perhaps if I find a whale I’ll jump off the ship and hug it, going with through its journey for a long migration. Hmmm… I would love to see them one day, maybe meet one in person. Touch it or even talk to it (duh! Yes they talk; just do those whale talk you saw in some cartoon movie of a clown fish. Don’t tell me you haven’t seen that?? Bleh :P ).

It’s drizzling! Islands don’t have the same weather at the same time, not unless they sit close by each other. But Cebu & Bohol?? So much different. The other may look fine from some distance but on some meteorological event, the other island looks damped from a good raining the other night.

Still no dolphins! And we’re nearing the coast. Bodies of water especially in between islands differ from depths, coastlines would go around 20ft – 50 ft in depth, comes the middle of the ocean that would go to 100ft or more. It’s not as deep as the wide seas that bigger ships stride from a country to another. But this one would still be as deep as it can get for an average man. There is more life in between coast than in the middle of the ocean besides the deep trenches where unknown life forms awaits discovery. Alien in a world man has thought of his owning. The coast provides more shelter for smaller fishes, a nursery for hatchlings and a breeding ground for some migrating ones. In the depths on the other hand is a survival ground, big or small the motto goes, “Eat or get EATen”. Quite comparable to mankind, huh?? But it’s the great circle of life, some beings should be devoured for the growth of another. Brutal but that is a world of creations constantly in evolution---a dynamic process.

Still no dolphins!

6 Days, 5 Nights: The Untimely Distress

The most of unruly situation I can place myself is this incomparable pain that an illness is existent for my suffering. Days now, that I have felt this tummy ache and such soreness came untimely of all trips which is at the present I am in. suffice it to say that I am able to contrast uneasiness between the thought of torture as I avoid embarrassment that this dilemma would have had me considered if the inevitable should happen.

As of now, the waves beneath the ship soothe my predicament to a margin that I am able to tolerate at the current time. Somehow making me nauseated and close to puking but on the due reason that I am neither filled nor hungry at all, a vomit wouldn’t be as good as having done waste from my bowels.

The seat I am on brings me close to the sea, watching the smooth gales creasing the surface of the blue water. The ships floats right on it, a few seamen hang about fishing lines by the starboard side patiently waiting if any would-be victims would go prey for it. I never thought that sea would become this beautiful, I always loved the sea though I judge it as the last place on earth I’ll die yet between regarding it as my deathbed and being a place of momentary bliss, in all, it is a wide arid region I can say simple, treacherous and fine-looking.

3 separate paragraphs of uncoordinated ideas have been doodled in and I can barely feel the tummy ache, the media mass plays on as passengers chat away to pass time waiting for the ship to leave dock and turn to the supposed destination. Little tiny boats pass along the sides of the ship, bearing with them their own passengers, fishermen off to catch a bucket or two from the source of their living. Mastering the soft breeze and the salty heat that comes with their occupation. I have admired these sorts of people, looking for nothing but the trouble-free days with their chosen living and home. I break into a smile how mundane I can be yet very quaint to the reality on how I would dream to live extravagantly, celebrated and esteemed by all. Ironic.

The pain now sleeping inside me, troubles me no more but the closest of such description of it ever extant to my knowledge is but a tolerable anxiety.

6 Days, 5 Nights: An Untimely Solace

Repression of intuitive emotional spur from time to time is in conniving with unduly changing of personal sarcasm to the eventual manner of heftiness to the subject implied. That is, when the factors of commencing the said event is heralded to the function of jovial bewilderment.

I can’t deny the fact that I have prohibitions of the said proposal as to the persona I am introduced. 

6 Days, 5 Nights: For No Reason At All

Simplify to pass out time and regurgitate on the idea of doing something out of the darnest of times. Considering the thought of even paradoxically explaining the current situation I am in, due comfort is not obliged as to its main purpose is not as relevant to the entirety of being totally a function at all.

Perceiving what to say or merely imply with the abrupt spur of something insatiably unduly and feverish to the core. Yes. Agreeable that I am wasting the worst of all kinds of boredom ever created, which is to sit along the momentary dynamics of a visual entrée yet in some thought I have not missed the pauses and the dead spaces the theatre of time has proposed. I may be learning how to devaluate my enemy----Time.

6 Days, 5 Nights: Dining

Options, choices, meals and pleasures… the joy of being inside the mall for sometime after rejuvenating from the road hassles and the bamboozled traffic that could somehow break a lot of indefinite cringes of boredom.

Food have had always been the best thing ever created, and being in a place where drooling was almost allowed to happen even in the stupidest of dreams, if so intended to become a satisfaction between gluttony and fulfillment, is so much worth the long distance travel.

The bistro was famous for the pastry it has proudly made known of though at some unfortunate event, the said Sylvannas is no more and ordering the said delicacy needs waiting for another month. Instead, we bought the shop’s pride quiche-----Sans Rival Cake.

The caramel ooze inside my mouth as cream, cheese and a tinge of mango puree mixed. The sugar rush as usual, was amazing beyond glucose-craze.

In all, the most perfect time I can ever be besides being to experience simple living and truning about the pleasure of life.

6 Days, 5 Nights: A Treat

‘Twas a fine trip starting at the peaks of the mountain, to the lowlands of the valley and ‘til the gales of the sea… the panorama was all I could thank while drivin’ and sittin’ for most of the time. Jerking, fiddling, moving about my seat, avoid butt-lag (new word definition when your arse starts to burn in heat… I guessJ) and getting discomfy for the entire trip thought I was able to doodle some stuff for blog-purposes when the untimely ‘BOREDOM’ came about and slowly devoured me… good thing the laptop was with me.

It was the LONGest trip I’ve ever missed, the kind of road trip my family used to have.  Yeah, I know the thought came across me as we passed by town to another town expecting that we have arrived to our destination, “Are we there yet??” was the common phrase and it haunted my mind too… that phrase would just be an excuse to waiting expectantly. But the sceneries are just too enticing to sneak an eyelid and denying my eyes the ecstasy of not seeing the beauty that is-----the Sea.

We arrived at mid day… hungry, distraught and homeless. We had a hefty meal for a late lunch at 2pm, went crazy roaming the city of whatever place we could crash in for the night, only to find our sanctuary at some place undue for COMFORT but acceptable. It was a cute and dainty place, we have our room almost 7 feet above the ground, hanging on a tree and facing the vast extent of the strait.

I indulged on it. I LOVEd it, just for the record. Considerably, it was simple, unLUXURY-ious beyond low than a Star-worth but it was cozy. 10 people have to share a room fit for one. A laugh to have, right?!? There was nothing neither good nor bad about the place, but the view from above is just spectacular. It was a writer’s haven, I think. I find it all worth the time to write about something worth my satisfaction. Something I can say, “…suffice to say.” An author’s paradigm of simple pleasures I graced myself to pander unto.

Just an hour and a half ago, I went by the parting coast, as the waves crashed to the shores. My feet needed all the relaxation it hungered after all the sittin’ and the numbin’ on my seat. And as my toes touched the cool embrace of the sea, there was nothing more exhilarating and so did everything else followed… a few dips that ended to all of me being soothed from outside to the very core. The salt trickled from my eyes up to my waiting lips, FRESH, COLD and TANGy.

From afar, the lightning danced just over the islands across the barren desert of blue. Waving few streaks of flashy whites, bolts of energy and thrilling innervations-----Classic, peculiar… Beautiful.

As I went by with this self-absorbed, glut-ful spoils a significant dose of sugars in my mouth was appropriate for a lengthened produce such as this piece.

Sleep leisurely pried on me, whispering through my ears with the tease of the cool whiff from the gales nearby. Seducing my eyes to droop, and eventually close but I told the remaining pathetic part of my mind to stay on and finish this insensible immoderation. Asking to just let me stay a little more and say a formal and decent end.

There was no civility on this bit but the premise of saying what befits such.