My Painful Love.

I woke up today trying to figure out how I can get over it.

'Twas 2 days ago, on the 8^th of the 11^th month of this year. Still fresh with it, your musk was all I can smell, the soft touch of your lips I just can’t help but bite on it, you unwrapped me on that day and I gave you almost what you wanted. What you needed and what we both longed for.

I missed you that much. All I can feel now was that soft embrace, to be within your arms. You broke the stead in me. But why do I fear what life has to offer?? What would happen to both of us!??

I lay here for 2 days now… waking up all washed up from a tiring sleep, I was on a trauma, I’m going crazy every minute and every song seems to sadden me even more, I chose to listen at them as I chose to be with you that day.

You left me hanging now, I don’t want to push you away and regret that I ever did know you. But why am I this impatient?? At doubt or in fear of having you and having us, is there an explanation to what we have?!?

I lay every night rolling, crying, feeling all drained for all I can think about was you. No drug can dispel me from this tormented lovelorn.

I sat every now and then alone on my bed thinking how it should work and how should I move on, I simply can’t forget how that feeling we had when we were both closer than a kiss.

I just want to jump and break away, get drowned at a sea or be eaten alive. At least for that one thought I get to have pain more than what I have.

I needed a place for me to hide, to cower and to curl, a place where I can think but all what’s left of that dreamy bench was more darkness than day.

A confusing panorama of mundane thinking, of hurt and ever grayer scenes swirling, overwhelming, suffocating and sucking the life out of this soul.

All I can do is take a breath, and let go. No tears are falling, not a single drop to stain, am I hurting this much when that time I have been missing you and all I could do is long and wait!??

I can sit here all day like some statue at a road, slowly watching life unfolding unwary of me as I grow old, aged and used. Where is that spirit of how I used to be?? The jolly one? The happy go lucky? The smiles I have had!?

The times when I haven’t known you. It wasn't a mistake to have you, to know you and be near you. But after all that has happened everything seems to end even before it could start. Am I the one to blame for giving you what you needed?? For being this impatient for my love returned? For showing me how you cared and be true to your words??

I’m new to this, so please don’t keep me hanging. Please don’t make me spare a blade to think about. Please don’t make me regret that being alive means not actually living a life. Please… I beg of you. Show me the least that you even wanted this and not just some one time thought.

I love you for all the right reasons and would be ready to risk you for all the wrong ones. I don’t want you as a mistake but I needed you like you were the best thing that has ever happened yet.