I'm Gonna Live On.

Today, I was too busy to let out some thought that I was s’pose to meet you, not a single message came from you. I had my day with a busy thing to do and dealt with whatever I can have and amuse myself to pull the strings of stress away from my mind. The entire day came about and you were just predictable, I can’t help to hurt again, to mull over the idea that you didn’t care or maybe I felt that naivety that you might just have some more pressing things compacted on you.

So here’s a thought just because I felt a light feeling of joy after realizing that it isn’t enough to just be depressed and pull myself down to regression every time, considering that fact I have so much to live about than the pressure of loving you.

Here are just some good things I thought having to quote about…

“I’m not going to stress over you anymore. It isn’t worth it. I tried to work something out but you just ignored it. I’m not trying to say I don’t want you, because I definitely do. All I’m saying is I’m done chasing after you.”

You made me feel alive when you came, I can’t hide that truth and will never lose it in me, I was living a great memory for myself, you made me whole, I felt complete but on that day and the days next I felt nothing coming from you and if you were trying it doesn’t make me feel appreciated instead I felt used, gained for and praised for having you pleasured. For making a man out of you, for satisfying what I thought I was lovingly giving for you I thought and dreamed you very well deserved?

“I’m fighting to get you out of my head but I’m holding onto every word that you ever said.”

Every night I stare blankly at the ceiling, endlessly crying and tearing away because up until then I don’t know where to place myself in your life. You never told me where should I enter or should I even have the right to stay!?? It was difficult pulling you away; I just hope I can get over it, praying that one day I’ll be over you. I won’t forget you.

“I’m not going to be that rebound guy, the guy you just come to when you want him, the guy who loves you with everything he has but yet you give nothing. I’m not willing to be that guy anymore. Sorry, sweetie, but I’m gone.”

I said I would never think of that being the rebound one from your recent break-up, never did that escape my mind until now. I want to keep it to myself. I want to erase it in mind. It’s not the kind of you. I know you’re just too different from others.

“And I have come to realize that he’s just a guy, a special one maybe, but he’s not mine. And I don’t need to do things to make him love me. If he wanted to he would.”

I can never have lost you. I never ever did. Why!?? One answer: you never were mine, I may have had you lie with me on those day and night but actually being with you holding your hand, hugging you around and to cherish every time we are together with no bounds ever did happen. I can’t blame you if you can’t feel my love. I can’t tell how much I’ve longed of having you still I lost the mere fact of knowing how you used to.

“Here’s a piece of advice let go when you’re hurting too much, give up when love isn’t enough, and move on when things aren’t like before. Surely there is someone out there who will love you more.”

I may not have known you for a lifetime but I felt something from you, you were a person with feelings and a loving one too but now all I have are more questions of doubt and insensitivity than answers of what could be us. I don’t know why you stopped, why you didn’t bother, no calls, no texts like you used to and for one thing, where was the truth on that ‘’I Love You”.

You are different, quite unique from others. Now all it seemed that you were just some mirror of shaded mystery and anonymity to oneself. If one day you’ve realized, I have so much for you. I’ll be waiting. I have you here still loving. I’ll be looking on the road ready to welcome you in my home if it struck you to go back and if not, I’ll have it opened for me to wander on how beautiful my life can be with or without you.

“Move on. It is just a chapter in the past, but don't close the book - just turn the page.”

 And yeah, I am not closing the book just yet. Who knows you might just be a page away from my own book of life and I’m leaving some blank space there if you plan to fill it with. Though this time there’ll be more pages filled away from you, make sure you hurry up I might just be havin’ so much fun and you’ll be left out. I hope you won’t. 

And here I am, praying you’ll find peace too. Admit it. Be a man for yourself as I did for my own. I was just too ready to be man enough for us but you just can’t for reasons I respect and understand but for how long then!?? How long would I stay on questions when there are more answers and life outside my homey heart??!

I still love you no matter what other people would say about me and you. This is just why I’m taking a step farther for my life. For us and for how much I can love to meet you someday on the crossroads of our lives.

Good luck, boy.