And so it goes on...

No longer there,
Not anymore,
No more than it seems,
Long gone that was before.

Words Of A Dying Son.

Tell me I’ve lost my mind for thoughts I have none,

Tell me I’ve had it worst for what feels now is no better,

Tell me I am no lesser than a fool to have such debauchery,

Tell me; tell me of such ruin you unrepentantly swore.

Words turned actions of such crass,

That at ounce reaps the soul apart,

Tell me of those thoughts you spoke,

Have you paused and wondered or even care that those might hurt?!?

Tell me now who is aggrieved!? That one left to ruin or the one saying!?

Tell me to clear my assumptions, what proof you want to show!? Where is this leading!?

Tell me; explain some more, why are you doing this!?

To shame me, to ruin those you dislike just because of something you can’t accept!

But have you asked?! Have you done query of your own!?

Have you pondered deep to what may happen!?

Have you tried emptying your cup!? To understand and consider?!

Have you ever tried to at least listen?!

I am tired, I grow stone.

The child battered, he lay wasted & sore.

He wanted to scream and cry but no tears flow & no voice dare to sigh.

For what is left is an empty core; cold, dark & hollow.

Those 3 Words.

That one reason I hope you knew…

The very reason I rarely do say those 3 words.

Now that I do, here’s that reason why…

I say the words, “I Love You”.

Not because I want you to hear me say them loud,

Not because it would mean as much as you’d mean it,

Not because I keep pushing myself to say it,

And most, not for having you will I only say them at all.

I utter those words ‘coz I know they mean so much to you and that’s how much I’d mean them to.

An Elegy, The Prelude.

It is never easy,

Seeing you like this, kept to yourself, slowly fading,

Where have you gone? Have I made it too far?!

Pushing you, shoving you away!?

It is never easy,

No one told us it would be this hard,

I’m losing you like a funeral soon to close,

I tried to make it, to give you what you needed. Where have I missed?!

It is never easy,

To feel you far, to know you’re being distant,

Even more divided than miles, than dreams and the tick of time.

It is never easy to not have you as before.

All these in my head, telling me to give up,

All these thoughts reeling in like frost-bitten emotion cursing,

It is never easy to hear from you,

It is never easy to pretend I was fine.

I found my own recluse, to lay silent at night,

Shed tears, never thought it’d hurt to know you are suffering,

It is never easy sensing your pain, you are part of me, and I too feel how it’s like,

Is this how we mend it!? Ignorance, absence and mistaken emotions!?

I have damaged you beyond repair,

But who would break between us both,

The calloused heart or the inadvertent stabber!?

I only tried to make it right, but whatever I do seems to impair you even more.

I ask my faith, weary I am not for I am hopeful,

I ask my sanity, confused that each day I pretend to smile,

I ask myself, to know that I have the strength to keep going,

I could ask you why but those feelings are gone, lost and broken. That’s my answer.

It is never easy… To feel you emotionally die.

Wake Up There Is Hope

The sun'll come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun
Just thinkin' about tomorrow
Clear away the cobwebs and the sorrow till' there's none

When I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely
I just stick up my chin and grin and say oh

The sun'll come out tomorrow
So you got to hang on till' tomorrow, come what may!
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow
You're only a day away!

When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonely
I just stick up my chin and grin and say....

The sun'll come out tomorrow
So you got to hang on till' tomorrow, come what may!
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow
You're always a day away

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow
You're always a day away ...

-          Annie, Tomorrow (Metrolyrics.com)

Just Pause.

For I have grown so weary and all I needed was a big space to gather my thoughts,

“The heart and the mind are 2 different persons, they never worked together, and they seem to be always at war. Yet figures as they are, they’re yours, within you and at your control… You just have to choose which one suits best, it may take time, it may hurt many and it may even be your hurt as well but you’ll know it, you’ll feel it… That time is when you are at peace.”

My Darkness.

To hear your voice broken,

The sound of an aching heart,

A whimpering kid inside,

Beaten up & refused of love.

Feeble and cold from my fears,

Slowly your grasp drifting away,

What more can I say,

Just to have you stay.

I know you need be the one,

And for now all I can give you is time and affection,

Life and the future, for us is unknown,

I don’t know what else to do, I fear losing you.

Your voice scares me when you’re angry,

But what hurts me is the silence of loneliness within that whisper,

Unsaid thoughts growing in vain,

Slowly tearing you out, killing your heart.

I am the disease you never wanted,

I am the source of your pain,

I only wanted to be your joy,

The reason for your smile, that smile I always love.

I have grown sad and weary,

Since you doubted your feelings,

I don’t blame you for it is my fault,

I led you on to an abyss and not the heaven.

You are not selfish, you deserve well,

You are the nicest of them all, truly the only one,

You don’t deserve me, my life is trouble.

You are an angel; I seem to be your burden.

Is this a plea??! A desperate scream to hold on!?

I am unworthy of your love for I seem to be hurting you much.

I feel you. I hurt you badly.

2.27.14 9:38pm