I miss my old me. That part of me
who used to laugh hard, smiling all day like some silly fool, talking to
friends for some thought out of the blue, playing around like a preschooler,
and just sitting on that good corner where I can see everything from a vantage
point and admire the life that unfolds.
All these years, countless I say,
that I can have a time alone. Like just me, an empty room, not a noise heard…
just that moment where I can doze off, or even see good flashbacks rolling in
front of me.
That time when all that matters
was using the best crayon, sharpening my favorite pencil and choosing the
smoothest paper to get done with. When all I can think of was recess, when
school’s over, running to and fro, sit still and chat with friends and go home.
I’d say there is no harm in
looking back. It’s a good thing. A refresher, something to note in some few
lessons learned from mistakes of the past. Maybe some old memories to paint a
smile on the face can be useful, perhaps a good event to be remembered simply
because feeling a little cathartic is inevitable. Needles to say, whatever I am
now reflects what I have and haven’t been when I was young, a keeper of myself
to others and even a keeper of what I am to my own.
I don’t regret my past, I don’t
hate what I’ve become it’s just that I don’t really realize yet what I can be
and will be in the future. The fear of not knowing what lies beyond is normal, exhilarating,
ecstatic and jovially infantile.
To end, I have thought about just
doing what’s good for many, cared for a few and I may be sinfully praising
myself yet again… I missed my self-centered ego, I just can’t take away the
fact that there was once a Me, Myself & I.
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