Chasing Waves

Don’t look back. 3 words, one thought but it takes a lot of courage to will oneself to do that. It relates to some phrases like; forget, move on, keep moving and whatever synonymous ideas it may seem to end with… Turning away.

The Shore.

The waves howl on a summer still with wind, gulls gliding above feeling the warm breeze, the unforgiving heat quicken the shore to return to almost white. There was a visitor and he was no stranger.

The sand pricks his foot at high noon, wondering said the rocks why he’d come at this time of day!? He went on, hastened to reach water. A splash and off the sea kisses his toes. There was tumble and rumble, awe in look he stared across the vast sea, lightning dances along the horizon. A whiff of cool air tells him rain will be here soon.

Barren, silent and white. There is peace and he can never ask for something more.

High above, the passage of clouds play shadows upon him, teasing the sun as if he were playing hide and seek, he smiled and chased the dark patches of sand; he was after all a kid being chased by none but the sun. He grew tired though in the end, the bristly warmth embracing his skin, yet the cool whisper of a changing season reduces it.

He stood still and marvel to what he feels; freedom and stillness. He stared from where he wandered, foot prints lie on countless for which he can’t seem to recall whichever starts first and follows next. He smiled.

A splash came and with it goes everything.

Shocked.

One wave, a fraction of time.

Everything dried unmoving as if no one was ever there.

To Contemplate 101

When something hits the end, it is the end. There will never be a long road ‘coz wherever we take ourselves in travel or dreams we are meant to be in some place we should be, an end to a journey. A movie may have sequels, a next part or an explanation to what happened but each has its own end. Life too has its end. They say each ending is a beginning but neigh each ending is an end of something of what has passed, It can never be retracted only reflected on… an end is something most of us barely exude facts that we as individuals have to face… moving forward.

Closure. A stop to something started or the need of a decisive halt to the matter of something that should no longer exist. An idealism that has gone too far to be controlled. A state of being to convince the inner soul that what fanatic beliefs may be procured from countless dreams is unreal and needed concluding.

Forget. A choice.

Everything will just be a memory, the good, the bad, happiness and loss. Every memory will haunt us in different ways, others will play lessons, many will be reminders of an impending mistake and least will be a test of faith and ones will to personal growth.

We say we should follow the heart and mind. But haven’t one of you thought that our brain is responsible for what we feel!?? For what we are!?? He controls our world… almost. There is no heart and no mind just the whole being able to decide and decently created to function as a whole. We are what we do, what we think and what we live for. 

Brain Storm

The sky is in chaos.

I walk the damp road, puddles on my feet dirt all over my sole.

The sky is in rage.

Where are my thoughts, at awe as flashes of light dance and surround me?

The clouds clash with cold, heat rumble in unison… only the brave marvel the theatre.

The night is still.

A passing of change as the tide flows on, the wind at a halt and left with sore conclusion, rain is to begin.

The sky is in chaos.

Swirled Thoughts.

Mundane Night 101: My thoughts are in a blur. 52413-1029

Facts.

That feeling one get when they can’t utter the right words to say, not that they are ignorant of life or deprive of knowledge but what seems to be the right thing to do is right in front of you.

A Puddle Of Mud.

Ever wondered being free but being in chains? Being able to fly but somehow confused whether to keep going or not?! I wonder how migrations occur and parents would let their once chicks fly into the emptiness that is the sky & not ask themselves if they are ready or not to take flight?! Have it occurred to one being able to run and not think of what’s on the next bend!?

Fitting In.

What is home??! Is it a state of being!? A building!? A group of people!? Or is it a worldly thought of having surrounded by the most important persons in ones living existence? What then makes those without the completeness of a whole!? The missing!? The lost!? The grieving and those who are alone!? Where is home!?

At Heart’s Content.

Need and want!? When do we need something!? When do we really want something!?? To what extent do we want a thing from needing it and needing something that we want!?? Is needing and wanting all the same or is it just a degree that comes down to contentment!?? When do we really say we had enough or do we just keep on filling that empty hole inside being the human in all of us!?

Courage.

Risks are what they were ‘coz someone was brave enough to sacrifice everything he had for something right.

Mistakes.

Failing is when you fail to see that you failed and one keeps on doing it but what’s worst of all failure is not learning from every single one of it. Is there more we can do with it!? Do we really tell ourselves when to make the right stuff and not failing at all!? Do we always have to strive for perfection!?

Status Quo.

We only see what we want to see, hear what we ought to hear and say what should be said because we were told that bad things come from what we should not see, criticisms and sarcasms exist from what other people say and we grew with people saying what is right from wrong. For we were never thought of life’s greatest lessons by perfect people but parents and friends who also did wrong and are trying their best to do what they think is right. In the end, we all have to figure it out ourselves and make every complicated simple things make sense.

Deception.

Ruin is the eyes, for they see what is wanted,

They sought what is tasked,

They know from what is given,

And shun the will from which they only mean for it is in their nature.

Enslaved I am to those perceived of true beauty,

Blind from what glows anew,

Shadowed of knowledge with honest verity,

And lost to thoughts winding to confusion.

Is it with sin that my eyes can see?!

Or is it with will to choose which to adore?!

But sin it is to maim such liberty,

To wonder, to regard or perhaps feel bewildered.

Where is my being!? Where is the soul!?

If what brings light deceives one’s own destruction.

If wants are mere metaphors of seduction.

What do we make from what we need? A clutter of unfortunate compassion.

Adonis is no sin.

A Soul's Gratitude.

There is a passing ought for us to take by ourselves, during these times we are tested from almost everything reasonable thrown at us. But a travel is never always as lonesome as it will ever be; there’ll come a time that we have to share it, either with a note or with a person.

8 months ago, I was given an opportunity to become what I was schooled for, some may call for it a noble cause to serve or maybe just another world out chance to gain something purposeful of a windless trek. The task I was given to was no laughing matter as it involves lives but this parting eulogy is no part or perhaps few of it is of this job I got but wildly because this is a letter to somebody dear to me.

So to start with me, personality wise I am shy and you may not by a second believe it, to a point that I don’t actually converse with people not as interesting as I am (talk about vanity) more so, I don’t talk too much until I actually know the person and we both were strangers until you took me as your own friend. On my wildest of random mood swings have I thought that we’d actually be good acquaintances, which later on memories play best that I was in good company?

Likable, jolly, versatile and wittedly a dame (I am such a kiss-ass). On our first day, I was scared like I always have especially when we get to be floated on yet another station. A few adjustments, people, attitude and the workplace but you were accommodating not just like it was your job or tasked to do so, affably, you always have been.

And everything from that was history.

5 months to be exact since the very day you became my senior up to the last few days of my stay. I gained so much, an observer as I am, from my surroundings and most especially from you though at times regretfully I do forget some of it and had our behinds screwed and feel worse about it yet I had a lot to list down besides countless laughing hours and simple cold cream cones.

Smile. That’s one of the greatest stuff I have ever learned, not that I don’t know something about it but you were one of the few people dear to me to ever become a good example of it. Busy, drenched, exhausted and crudely famished yet you never tire yourself a smile even at the slightest chance it is forced but ones smile has a beauty of its own and you seem to have that bubbly kind that remains. I wish more people could share with me that appreciation.

Eat no matter what. Preferably this is the most important thing considering the basic needs that we all should be getting, so from this time on I’ll make sure I’ll have buddy snacks and finger foods with me.

Independence. Yes, you are my senior and you need to look after me, supervise me, and help me and all that even to some degree just take my job… There’d be times, no, most of it I become so guilty when I just panic and my stuff gets ended up falling on you. I can feel the weight of your responsibility and I don’t want to become a burden but you were there cool and ever so flamboyant to whatever you do, if this needs comparison and you may think I am over doing complimenting you but neigh I don’t. Amidst the clutter of my work I learned to be more confident of the job given to me by the end of the day you will just remain as my senior and everything else is in my hands, you taught me a working ethic that a starter employee needs… Reciprocated Dependence (look up on Google, this phrase does not exist), a gained independence through supervision relative to being a wingman, I may fly behind you but I can also shoot the enemy whenever I see one.

By this time, it is no hidden fact to me that I may bore you with this VERY short letter; don’t go bratty on me (kidding around). This letter is neither close to being enough nor more of what I can truly say of how grateful I am to have as my senior.

So to end this not-too-many-words-can-ever-describe-how-thankful-i-am novelette, I say, Thank you… for smiling even we all feel grouchy, for remaining calm and sweet even with a  raised voice, for making us eat even if we are too busy like we could care if some doctor just passed by and saw us guffawing hungrily for dear life, for grumping around and at times I get hurt, for chilling around even I screw up, for behaving inanimately like a kid exempting your age, for being bubbly during happy mood swings, and for being YOU… because of that I found a friend, a laughing buddy, a teacher, and somehow a sister (not the really close ones, but you were).

If may we part this sweet landscape of friendship, that what leads on is a good memory from which I have learned in this travel, at times,  it is not the job or the results that gives us the reason to work our way of living but the reason that we keep going is the band of good people we met and will be meeting along the way.

If goodbyes meant to ruin the heart to sobs, why am I smiling every time I recall a memory of our wonderful times!?

I wish you the best and I would surely miss that giggly bubbly voice and laugh of yours my ever dear mentor, co-worker and will always be… A Friend.

To You, From Me.

A Reflect: The Question & Your Answer.

What do we owe this society to make us realize what we truly are??

What does it entail to give purpose to those deserving of our service?

What makes us to do more than we should!?

A month or so ago, I was given the privilege to hear a particular speech from a graduate, I know I have heard lots of speeches after my own commencement exercises and am not new to it but this speech struck a point somehow on me. Come about this valedictorian presenting his fellow classmates, proud and chin high with what they have achieved for the past 8 years. Yes, I am acknowledging this 23 or so MD’s. He was thanking everyone else for being an important part and the very reasons they have reached this feat so far, the professors with all the teaching they learned from them, the patients they have had to meet, friends reaching out so hard to make them realize they still are human beings and of course each of their family’s to which he cited a sincere apology for missing almost everything since medical school started. I s’pose you’d think I’d be crying but no, honestly I can relate to that. My 4 years of nursing may never be comparable to medical school but apologies may truly be fair to our family as they were the very foundation to which we stood, forgotten and sometimes an outlet of school stress and paper works that we all have yet to finish… They were above all the background of this ever working painting. Doing away from that, there was also one thing he was able to mention, though I can no longer memorize his exact words and to which I blame myself for being so lazy not to have this written that night. He said something on how he’d promised to do his duties and responsibility as a doctor to give his services to those who are unfortunate to gain status in the society… the poor. We all have heard that same noble stand many health care wannabes have said, “I want to be a nurse/doctor/what-so-ever health care volunteer to be of service to my country” – ish, I know this doesn’t imply that many of us never dreamt of being a doctor or a nurse and I don’t bring sarcasm and/or insult to those with this kind of principle. What I mean was how he said it.  In this lifetime, everything works with money; the world spins from price tags and cost. Everything almost even anyone has something to sell and have reason to be bought.

He quoted a story on 2 different patients coming in the emergency room;

“The doors open, a man demanding admission to the hospital for he is sick, behind him is trail of maids at a panic as they trolley him with commands of what he wants and probably almost everything he deemed he needs. The room suddenly zoomed with a bustle of orders and requests; he after all can pay for whatever he asks. Then the door swung open yet again, pale and drenched in his own sweat came lugged in a wheel chair, a man who look like he was fighting for his life even then he got sick, behind him is woman a weary look upon her face, a child by her hand and on the other damp of her husband’s feverish sweat to which she wipes on him as he shivers uncontrollably”

He stares at us, but the question he was to say was never meant for us or perhaps a part of it for our own understanding and he goes,

“Who would you serve first!?”

A question he made sure many of us health care professionals can smartly reply to, we have 4 years of schooling for that, we have been taught of morality, ethics to be observed and most of all we are our patients line for advocacy. Everyone was silent. Including his own audience… I was silent ‘coz I know the answer for his query but I speak none of it not even his colleagues who in that room were not just MD’s and what he said don’t only happen in the medical world, it’s everywhere.

The question hang on space until he rectify the rhetoric and imposed a solution of words saying more pleasing gratifications to which he owes his time. And he let on a simple reminder of which can partly answer the rhetoric,

“May we never forget the vows we took as professionals…?”

Then as I may say it, what defines us? What makes us?

If so you can answer the question!? What would it be!? Will you be able to scream with all the air you’ve got and made it known to all!??

I guess, we all know the answer.