Strength. Courage. Love.

This is the part of the story where all I can think of is a better end.

This is the part where all I can hope for is lost.

Ever wondered that when the very people you’d expect to support you more and give you their arms strength to hold on to surrendered to demise yet so atypical.

I turn unto them only to be given up for good. Not a chance of survival.

I gather strength close to darkness. Shedding what better light I can provide.

This is the time. This is my test.

When the very choice of being brave, of passing an obstacle and of being strong.

This is the hurdle I was bound to overcome.

I am moving on. I have to. Everything is worth the try.

The story I wish to end is not on this chapter.

I will have a good epilogue. A fruitful close to a dusty beginning.

I am strong. I am. For love.

My Partner. My Love. My Prince... That's Mark.

I am just as proud to say it to the world… I have a partner. I love him so much that I am not building any more barriers even in my blog. Putting away censorship for a good measure beyond what there is to hide at all.

I love my partner. He’s the better one who came and will be my last if he wishes. We know it’s going to be a tough one. But we’ll make it… together.

I love you, Mark.

Just The Jog.

Have to push myself real hard just to get up from bed and roll even more. I could see the few streaks of sunlight touch my window and I know it has been indeed days since my last jog and I’m feeling a little worn out not being able to move my legs and so with a cup of coffee and 2 glassful of water I went off with my routine after taking a good short cold shower to wake the sense out of me.

It was usual… a long walk to the same place I always jogged at and just enjoy the sights. Actually the place is a subdivision that is so far having a few houses in it makes it all still and calm. There was some jet flying 30,000 feet above me but my phone camera is not good enough to take it so I just have to find another good shot as the landscape of sugarcane fields went by in front of me. The subdivision I lived in is situated just near some lands that hacienderos from different lineage have had owned since time could tell and you can look at every sight you can muster filled with those sucrose filled stalks I used to cut down when I was little and enjoy every bite of it. But I’m cutting sugar now; I have quite the sugar rush in me.

Putting that away, I was more eager to just start with my jog as the sun chased me and I don’t want it shedding all those light without me starting a few laps of my own. Unbelievably, the wind is a little cooler and blowing quite hard even it’s the eve of summer and yes… it’s the 1^st of March where it is just s’pose to be so hot. I’m not complaining, I would love to have some air you know. It had been days that the scorching heat plagued every mid-noon and some tedious humid nights and I was too thankful to have one early morning filled with cold embrace from the wind.

It was just same other days I’ve been having, and the place quiet than ever, people now starting to bustle around but it doesn’t seem busy at all, there were a few joggers like me mostly old people with canes, sticks and just chatting around with someone they know and have come to pass by. The swallows would just swoosh down past me, the wind slowly teasing the grass and smoke from burn leaves from afar stains the morning sky… simple and quaint. A little more beyond a plane took off from the tarmac as its engines roared for a push vibrating through the air and filling our ears… the airport is 5 minutes drive from where I live actually and sometimes I would just bless myself with a motorcycle stroll or go cycling to it.

I had a few runs and maybe circled the usual lane I always have until I get my palpitations and make me catch what little breathe I have. Some jog, alright. It was fun though. Having to sweat off and just feel the morning breeze drying you up and the bright sun now hovering above me kissing me with every shed of light it can on me. ‘Twas good, relaxing and comforting.

Just the right kind of thing I do on a jog and the little things that I do enjoy with it. 

Mark, I Love You.

Tonight, I’ll wish the stars to shine bright.

There’d be many songs sang for you.

Many more kisses given and shared.

Yet all we may have, it’s just you that I want.

I’ll love you more than you loving me dear,

I’ll make no promises, my love but do my best.

I’ll walk by as far as we can go, look back not.

If sacrifices be made and choose, I’ll tear away to have you.

I can put up a straight face to show the world I’m strong,

Show them that I’m unbreakable; I’m a lone wild stead,

I’m an alpha male giving all he’s got to make things work,

Just to keep his undivided strength for everyday of being away.

I love you more dearly as you do,

I may not be too expressive like you do,

From all the hurt I’ve got,

But what hurts the most is actually losing you.

So I pray, wish, hope every single day you’d be safe,

Care less of what I am,

Cause I never had someone like you.

A love so real, a love just for you and me.

Solace.

Another moment of solace… though the place never mine for the keeping. I had companions beside me but dare not take a glimpse of them. I cowered to a seat and made myself comfortable over on a brick-ish texture the very thing I sat on.

I stare along, saw those three beautiful trunks and if given a chance I’d want to vandalize it with your name and mine. But there were people around and they might call the watch and ask me to leave. All I can do is stare and dream.

I look upon that side of me and saw a blank space, how I’d wish you’d sit just trying your best to be comfortable on that chair. I’d laugh and foolish me not to see the gal beside me gestured and turned to my sudden bliss. Bah! I care less of the world to say, it’s you that I think.

A few things I do enjoy alone, lest this blog entry was more of a reflection yet I can’t spare a thought to let it out that most of the time I was by my own, all I have in mind and soul is you alone. Call me crazed. 

Food-ish.

There is indulgence in food and I wonder if it’s a sin. Greed and gluttony maybe though I find that these things brings so much comfort. Junky yet satisfying, I can say if one has not been of the same fondness has never have actually experienced childhood in his life.

My day may be not so good amidst the clamor there is in my daily living, yet finding solace with food is such infantile play.

Lovelorn Lamentations.

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love.

—William Shakespeare

I wake every day the sun I welcome,

Unknown the pangs of the night,

A soul in search

Of deepest longing, hath come by just to hurt.

I sleep at night with all the lore,

Of unfilled absence for what think is right,

For what felt unimaginable,

The poet sings to my soul, the voices that make me ponder.

I see none but your face,

I think none but you,

I feel the desire to have you here,

All I could do is shed a tear.

Is this the torture that is to love??

Ought not should it be more delightful??

Ought not to beguile my core??

For there is but yearning deep in me.

I scar insincerity at night to no avail,

The songs of nymphs, seduces,

The satyrs walk along, eyes of malice,

Of such sensual desires, the food for the wicked.

My prince of delicate as you were,

I bequeath your knight to serve you gladly,

Lead him last, for you’ve enslaved this poet’s heart.

It’s all yours, free him not but your chambers.

Lay him there, he’ll surrender,

A stead for the breaking, a soul hungered.

The battles of a mangled passion, he’ll fight in you.

A scuffle of skin, sweat and feverish craving.

Pass thee, yet all seems blunt,

To have yearned, just as desired,

Be blest the one whom I love.

There is just what needing him as much.

To sleep amidst the tenderness of it all,

To lay there all the sheets, alone.

To kiss the softness of what!?? Dreary, senseless and a bore.

What warmth there’d be laying with you here beside me?

Of the 7 billion, you chose me.

Consider myself very lucky, to love in return,

To have, to need and want you even more.

No judge better, spare lies for thee I dearly love.

To end a song of my heart’s desire,

A stare at your photograph, those urge to let go,

It struck me good, those eyes of yours,

How squeamish I’ve become, what lies beyond those glow!??

Leave me thane lips, red and sweet,

The tail of the brow, a perfect stroke,

A whiff of whispers, a cringe to my soul,

to thane ears, ‘’I love you’’ shall be told.

There is no malice, lest a sinful truth,

My mind is my heart; my heart is my soul,

The mermaid have sang to her sailor,

Come to me; rest with me, in depths unfathomable.

I’ve written no more than a bit of what’s found,

I’ve sang songs, care I not just to be fond with,

I’ve done what things, a charm to impress,

To know behind that, my prince is pleased.

There is but a million more literacy in me,

To defile my decent-like sanity,

I’d sit on that rock every day, look upon the skies afar,

Just over the mountains, past the sea you’ll be waiting for me.

I have a desire. I have a wish. There is my need. My sanity is you.

Forgive me, my prince for I have loved.

Forgive your knight to offer you his hand.

Forgive not what love there is, it has made me your equal.

I love you. I miss you. That Is all.