A Reflect: The Question & Your Answer.

What do we owe this society to make us realize what we truly are??

What does it entail to give purpose to those deserving of our service?

What makes us to do more than we should!?

A month or so ago, I was given the privilege to hear a particular speech from a graduate, I know I have heard lots of speeches after my own commencement exercises and am not new to it but this speech struck a point somehow on me. Come about this valedictorian presenting his fellow classmates, proud and chin high with what they have achieved for the past 8 years. Yes, I am acknowledging this 23 or so MD’s. He was thanking everyone else for being an important part and the very reasons they have reached this feat so far, the professors with all the teaching they learned from them, the patients they have had to meet, friends reaching out so hard to make them realize they still are human beings and of course each of their family’s to which he cited a sincere apology for missing almost everything since medical school started. I s’pose you’d think I’d be crying but no, honestly I can relate to that. My 4 years of nursing may never be comparable to medical school but apologies may truly be fair to our family as they were the very foundation to which we stood, forgotten and sometimes an outlet of school stress and paper works that we all have yet to finish… They were above all the background of this ever working painting. Doing away from that, there was also one thing he was able to mention, though I can no longer memorize his exact words and to which I blame myself for being so lazy not to have this written that night. He said something on how he’d promised to do his duties and responsibility as a doctor to give his services to those who are unfortunate to gain status in the society… the poor. We all have heard that same noble stand many health care wannabes have said, “I want to be a nurse/doctor/what-so-ever health care volunteer to be of service to my country” – ish, I know this doesn’t imply that many of us never dreamt of being a doctor or a nurse and I don’t bring sarcasm and/or insult to those with this kind of principle. What I mean was how he said it.  In this lifetime, everything works with money; the world spins from price tags and cost. Everything almost even anyone has something to sell and have reason to be bought.

He quoted a story on 2 different patients coming in the emergency room;

“The doors open, a man demanding admission to the hospital for he is sick, behind him is trail of maids at a panic as they trolley him with commands of what he wants and probably almost everything he deemed he needs. The room suddenly zoomed with a bustle of orders and requests; he after all can pay for whatever he asks. Then the door swung open yet again, pale and drenched in his own sweat came lugged in a wheel chair, a man who look like he was fighting for his life even then he got sick, behind him is woman a weary look upon her face, a child by her hand and on the other damp of her husband’s feverish sweat to which she wipes on him as he shivers uncontrollably”

He stares at us, but the question he was to say was never meant for us or perhaps a part of it for our own understanding and he goes,

“Who would you serve first!?”

A question he made sure many of us health care professionals can smartly reply to, we have 4 years of schooling for that, we have been taught of morality, ethics to be observed and most of all we are our patients line for advocacy. Everyone was silent. Including his own audience… I was silent ‘coz I know the answer for his query but I speak none of it not even his colleagues who in that room were not just MD’s and what he said don’t only happen in the medical world, it’s everywhere.

The question hang on space until he rectify the rhetoric and imposed a solution of words saying more pleasing gratifications to which he owes his time. And he let on a simple reminder of which can partly answer the rhetoric,

“May we never forget the vows we took as professionals…?”

Then as I may say it, what defines us? What makes us?

If so you can answer the question!? What would it be!? Will you be able to scream with all the air you’ve got and made it known to all!??

I guess, we all know the answer.

A Buoy’s Dilemma.

Far and lost in between, aimlessly a flotilla somewhere in the middle of the ocean, stained in time and torn by season, how yonder that breaks its heart to see itself slowly at ruin. What makes of it but a thing made of man that which can never be known of nay purpose but what it serves best. Lonesome as it meddles with waves, wishful when it shall be taken back from where it was born. What makes of it?! What more can it give!?? Merely a thing to sail around above waters a specter of life underneath it grows. 

Y-O-U.

I am alone, I am with myself.

I am one, just only me nothing more.

I am what I can ever be what I need & want.

But why is there something missing, something incomplete?!

You.

To Ponder With.

If what failed are those dreams, then what makes of waking!??

These past few days made me realize a lot after some turns and bends I took. That nothing stands in ones way but the self, nothing puts down oneself but he who thinks and above all, none raises ones head up to look on and keep moving but the choice of walking forward. It is all in oneself. All in me.

But the question is where?! Where’d I go!? Where am I s’pose to be!?  Where was me?!

I was drooling ideas to get this blog entry to start with, and lo it appeared out of some forgotten memory… a picture.

I rushed to look for it and in a few clicks, I did.

A kid in a red cape walking proud he was wearing his favorite super hero’s costume. To care nothing at all of what other people may say about him… he was just being a kid with his favorite super hero’s cape.

Tell you, I can put a lot of adhesive thoughts with this and I might lose you to where exactly this blog entry is heading to.

It shook me, I’ve lost that kid and it hit me more, I lost myself.

Talking to my partner for some hour ago, he said randomly…

“I’m just a kid inside…”

It sent that chilly feeling, penetrating guilt, hatred and self pity. It struck not the bull’s eye but the hay stack beyond the target.

Where was that kid who used to believe on things unparalleled, the mere thought that waking up every day is another moment cherished with friends, listening to the teacher and not minding if you were too noisy chatting and laughing when getting scoffed at by a pissed mentor.

Sad to realize I lost that kid, my single dose of imagination and that colorful memory of innocence… Or did I just grow up!?

My Valentine.

This is a poem about what I feel,

A poem of what my mind feeds to think,

A group of lines ought to be said,

That whichever it may bring, is only that heartfelt giving.

I find the distance, cruel and rude.

The sea an enemy that brings us apart,

The wind a whisper of longing I wish you’d hear,

The state we’re in, a predicament I think of deep.

I find time, a treasure to be taken care of,

Each bound memories grabbed hold and true,

The days, passing by like some second chance worth,

Ever flowing, ever real, and long lasting.

For what wishes and dreams I hope for me and you,

Is that amidst all the pangs of reality we can’t spare?

What remains true to us is being together.

In distance, in circumstance, in time & at heart we grow strong each and every day.

So I write to you these lines,

Neither once for reasons of this day as told,

Nor what may the reminder of a feast brought back,

But with every ‘’I Love You’’ that means a lot.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

(looks upon the window) Just Missing You

I have been awake for some time and I know you are sleeping right now but I just needed to say how much I Miss You.

---Sleep well, Mark <3

(rolls eyes) I know, right.

I have all the right ideas to say, stories to share and all the crazy stuff I have stumbled upon in my mind the thing is, I just don’t know how to start and end it, begin or content myself how to organize them, so all I can really just say for now, is this unimaginative self-absorbed pathetic innately non-anon blab on something irrelevantly incoherent.