A Buoy’s Dilemma.

Far and lost in between, aimlessly a flotilla somewhere in the middle of the ocean, stained in time and torn by season, how yonder that breaks its heart to see itself slowly at ruin. What makes of it but a thing made of man that which can never be known of nay purpose but what it serves best. Lonesome as it meddles with waves, wishful when it shall be taken back from where it was born. What makes of it?! What more can it give!?? Merely a thing to sail around above waters a specter of life underneath it grows. 

Y-O-U.

I am alone, I am with myself.

I am one, just only me nothing more.

I am what I can ever be what I need & want.

But why is there something missing, something incomplete?!

You.

To Ponder With.

If what failed are those dreams, then what makes of waking!??

These past few days made me realize a lot after some turns and bends I took. That nothing stands in ones way but the self, nothing puts down oneself but he who thinks and above all, none raises ones head up to look on and keep moving but the choice of walking forward. It is all in oneself. All in me.

But the question is where?! Where’d I go!? Where am I s’pose to be!?  Where was me?!

I was drooling ideas to get this blog entry to start with, and lo it appeared out of some forgotten memory… a picture.

I rushed to look for it and in a few clicks, I did.

A kid in a red cape walking proud he was wearing his favorite super hero’s costume. To care nothing at all of what other people may say about him… he was just being a kid with his favorite super hero’s cape.

Tell you, I can put a lot of adhesive thoughts with this and I might lose you to where exactly this blog entry is heading to.

It shook me, I’ve lost that kid and it hit me more, I lost myself.

Talking to my partner for some hour ago, he said randomly…

“I’m just a kid inside…”

It sent that chilly feeling, penetrating guilt, hatred and self pity. It struck not the bull’s eye but the hay stack beyond the target.

Where was that kid who used to believe on things unparalleled, the mere thought that waking up every day is another moment cherished with friends, listening to the teacher and not minding if you were too noisy chatting and laughing when getting scoffed at by a pissed mentor.

Sad to realize I lost that kid, my single dose of imagination and that colorful memory of innocence… Or did I just grow up!?

My Valentine.

This is a poem about what I feel,

A poem of what my mind feeds to think,

A group of lines ought to be said,

That whichever it may bring, is only that heartfelt giving.

I find the distance, cruel and rude.

The sea an enemy that brings us apart,

The wind a whisper of longing I wish you’d hear,

The state we’re in, a predicament I think of deep.

I find time, a treasure to be taken care of,

Each bound memories grabbed hold and true,

The days, passing by like some second chance worth,

Ever flowing, ever real, and long lasting.

For what wishes and dreams I hope for me and you,

Is that amidst all the pangs of reality we can’t spare?

What remains true to us is being together.

In distance, in circumstance, in time & at heart we grow strong each and every day.

So I write to you these lines,

Neither once for reasons of this day as told,

Nor what may the reminder of a feast brought back,

But with every ‘’I Love You’’ that means a lot.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

(looks upon the window) Just Missing You

I have been awake for some time and I know you are sleeping right now but I just needed to say how much I Miss You.

---Sleep well, Mark <3

(rolls eyes) I know, right.

I have all the right ideas to say, stories to share and all the crazy stuff I have stumbled upon in my mind the thing is, I just don’t know how to start and end it, begin or content myself how to organize them, so all I can really just say for now, is this unimaginative self-absorbed pathetic innately non-anon blab on something irrelevantly incoherent. 

:)

What does it take to bring out the best in you!?

What does it take to dig deep!??

What does it take for you to do more?!

How much loss can there be for you to aim & win?!?

Downers, failure, loss & a leap on the edge,

Fear, crossroads, indecisiveness & inconclusive wishes,

Doubts, insecurities & at a loss of faith.

Above all these, one singled out truth… we are never sure of what lies next.

Shrouded, restrained, coerced & pushed over.

Unable to scream, barely standing still & almost in tears.

The strength you call, sanity says whatever that is makes you stupid.

The courage you think, the heart can barely make the torture.

Then you look on, bashed, bruised & beaten to a sore.

You look up, thought to yourself, that what terrifies the self is his own.

You slowly think, you felt that light feeling of fact & assurance,

You found out that amidst all these you had it there, inside you.

I just blurted out what I felt for the past few weeks since that day I failed myself; I glimpsed on and saw that what sorrow I felt was incomparable to none but my own. It took me a good self-ranting and pity to realize that I can make it this far, I just fall from a high hurdle in this difficult track of my Olympic life. 

And if I have reasons more to say will it be gladder to choose to be happy & not run away from all the sorrows, to what conclusive thought I’d say if I were to… Smile.