Monday, March 14, 2011

Saturday Blues

I live in a fairy tale where no end exist,
I live in a world where no man did.
I think of thoughts none too many,
I search for fantasies sought by few.


Looking ahead on a barren sea;
Soul less as vacuum,
 Empty as space,
Black and dense like no life in it.

Staring blankly through the sky like rain on summer
Dry, silent, dusty and scorched in heat.
Wishing a whisper or a rush of wind,
And as likely as it was waiting in vain.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

the WINDING days ahead

Passing by every corner of the day’s I’ve been on waking… trying all the efforts I can master to just lay out plans and foresee incredulous plans. It means it all wonderful how things occur out of a sudden, transpired thoughts dancing through the schemes of your eyes, colors of vivid emotions playing the tease off your soul and erratic mundane-ness that never become of the unusual.


There are days I’ll feel this fool talking all about love, feeling like I was some teenager giggling as I saw my crush. Can’t stop smiling, barely even say something and all those jittery thought prancing and hopping like wild fawns singing with their good satyrs.


Sometimes, I can think of some idiotic thought and laugh inside. Insane!?? I don’t think so, I'm just a random guy trying to fill in the lost quarter of explicit self-romanticism.


Incomparably my position right now demands not much from what I am expected to do, loving my job, giving more than I can have, smiling at the idea that I’ll be more of a factor in changing a life of some chance guest in my life as I embrace the perks and responsibilities of my profession. Finding some solitary place to be proud of it when I’m alone, quiet and one with myself.


Things can run at bay and all I can see are lines of shades and black and whites swaying beyond the expanse of a dune. Everything in its path like some luminescent alien life form glowing amidst the darker vacuum of space. Resolute and consistent of its origin.


Though how depressing these episodes I’ve been to and played the part of a character out of desperation and self-defamed causes yet some pure escape of irreplaceable arbitrary joy would wound up the scorned façade I have. A mask perhaps or maybe just another outlet of words inexpressible.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

just a (BIG) part of... me.

...there will always be that one person to come by and put that smile on your face.
Ever had that one person you can’t stop thinking of?

Masking that feeling when s/he tells you how awesome you two could’ve meet earlier… you’d be giggling at s/he sounding it was almost too good to be true.

Sometimes you’d stalk her/him into what s/he’s doing??

But with all those foreseen dreams, all those wishes of ‘us’ seems so far… too far & out of reach. There’s nothing you can do, telling yourself its better this way. I’m going to be fine.

Fooling yourself to what you think a pretend love story will end in a sleep at tomorrow’s wake instead you’ll never have good sleep, staying late waiting for a chance of a good conversation. Scanning every minute that could pass as you wanted him/her flash like some lightning bursting the hidden ember inside you.

Falling asleep only to wake up feeling all distraught you’ll have to face the day like the one of yester years only unique at every single tick. Routine. Mundane.

And at it… a hurting slap in some melodramatic realization comes by and you finally see the light. What you have been revering to, the trance that you place your soul into a lovelorn search is nothing but a rowdy perverted piece of imagination…

Another piece of an impossible fantasy… a fiction of some fairy tale. A fable beyond the folklore that could not even exist.

So to those who love and returns unloved… keep loving.

To those who feel it and can never give back… we don’t blame you, you just happen to be lucky.

And like many, from me to you…

Breaking into a song, frequently asking why, confused of what to do, shaking as I try not to start a conversation & almost breaking into the point of desperation... I don't blame you for whatever happened to me. I know now, you're not the only one who could matter this much in my life. Thanks for making me stay sane.

xoxo

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Trees & Power Lines

Weekend afternoons were the same if and when I don’t do some good walks to my grandparent’s house and this one just made some productive proof of its solace fun.

After a good rant-off from my mom, I decided to pass away that guilt feeling of putting so much hate on some petty thing by doing my usual afternoon walk, bathed in cold water since it has been raining come by morning only to stop by mid afternoon, clothed up and grab the rest of my phone as I switched to a recorded song I play like every day.

Gloomy, like always and there fewer people playing some good hoops, others just standing along some store waiting for the next gossip to spur out and a share of rattling vehicles going to and fro. I was no stranger to the path I take, even how I do change blocks whenever I go to my grandparents house only to end in the same curve up to their door step. One thing’s for sure, this isn’t any ordinary afternoon.

One thing caught my eye and of all, my mind. Power lines & the amicably positioned trees rowed in the same way those electric lines crawl through the entire subdivision. Like I said I was no stranger or is it just the entire feeling of having’ my emotions pour out with the abysmal weather makes these simple things become quite a fascination!?! And so I thought…

These power lines, solely connecting every dotted place on earth, the very soul of communication that many thought in some way a pester that infers the panoramic view of the sky yet we barely recognize the use of these cables stringing every single thing we need, from wired calls, instant text messages, computer connections and even the source of electricity. Contemplating… trying all hard to be all knowing for all of a sudden. I put out a laugh.

The perfectly rowed trees… I gestured, leaving that silly smile wounding through my face. I was not innocent how I used to climb them all, almost falling from them, carving some random thought from my mind & how I loved being on top of the highest branch fearing if I fall and at the same time loving the thrill of swaying with the wind. I was one with it. Now, I can barely look at them… amazed of how those grooves in its trunk were formed, naturally or by a bare man’s hand.

Slowly then, it took me all back another trip going home to do some more viewing on my intelligent victims and mooning over the idea of a good cold shower on the night to come. Good thing was… I arrived home before it rained. 

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

HAPPY-ness :)

Attending the UP-PGH Convention was the BEST <3
There were new things learned, new knowledge updated & most of all, I have something to share <3

In life, we all searched for happiness… an idea that many of us have longed and will be searching for until we find it, we’ll grab it and never let it go.

Staying young <3
  • Throw out numbers… think not of your age & your weight too.
  • Cheerful friends… have yourself surrounded by laughs and smiles, not with the grumpy ones.
  • Keep learning… life is a long path to learn a lot.
  • Enjoy the simple things… cherish the moments that becomes priceless spent.
  • Laugh often, long & loud… I don’t need to explain further XD
  • Tears happen… cry hard, you need it once in awhile <3
  • Surround with love… love is just the sweetest thing.
  • Healthy… mark your heart, your lungs and your brain.
  • Don’t take guilt trips… no regrets, please.
  • Say, “I Love You” to all…
Happy Guidelines
  • Free from hate
  • Free from worry
  • Live simple
  • Give more
  • Expect less


Be happy, I guess :) a good smile as you start your day, makes a difference to the world :)

Key Note Excerpt from, "At Midlife: The Good Doctor gets Better."

Dr. Eugene F. Ramos, M.D.
Medical City Board Of Directors
Vice Pres. for Medical Services
Director/Chief Operating Officer Medical Arts Tower, Inc.
Director of Proser Health Services, Inc.
Past President of the Philippine College of Physicians

February 3, 2011 La Proa Hall, L'Fisher Hotel, Bacolod City

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Speak no words, Hear none


The park was gloomier than usual, people pass you, birds hover from above and speeding vehicles splash puddles almost anywhere. I come by this only place I can think, unfazed for many times have I ever visited it… to reasons so random or just by a thought out of being alone.

Thinking sorely, I managed to share a distant story…




Once a couple stood side by side,
Hands held close, entwined and bound.
The man higher, lean and broader.
The woman stood fair, in white, slender and stock.

Cruising along a patch of red roses
The woman looked up, answered by a smile.
Took the rose by her hand, pricked a finger or two
In the oddest the man barely noticed.

Red and hot, blood trickled slow,
The woman untangled their hands to the man’s surprise.
She showed him the wound and let out a laugh.

Silent. Meaningless. Vague.

The man shook his head, grabbed the rose
Shocked, the woman stared as blood oozed from his hand.
Yet a smile formed sincerely on his face,
And she let out another laugh.

Silent. Meaningless. Vague.

From afar, I stared at them.

Slowly the woman laid her head close to his chest,
Pulling her closer, placing his arms around.

A bystander sights to his uncommon companion,
“how could they know what one feels when he was deaf & she was mute!?”


It took me a good eavesdropping to share an innocent smile and a guilty nod as the couple passed in front of me.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

I'm Lost

I'm tired of waiting
laying awake in the wee hours
aimlessly thinking of who to find
looking for reasons without answers.

Asking myself why!? 
why should I live?!
to keep fighting
to say I’m brave.

I told myself not to be scared
to hold on tight
standing on every fall
moving at doubt.

Vile as the cold winds at winter
naive like a dead prey
shrouded to rot
rotting into nothingness.

Falling apart
scattered into broken pieces
un-mendable beyond expression
forgotten into history.

Thinking I can end it all
a quick answer
a hastened decision,
a bleed can be the solution.


I'm gone. I'm dead. I'm lost.